*************** THE MARREDPALLY WEEKLY ®***********************
PLAYER TESTS POSITIVE FOR BANNED SUBSTANCES
Padmaja Plaza: In a shocking revelation, Pink Pansies Utd. defender Rohit “Medikit” Bandaru failed a routine drug test in which he tested positive for the banned substance nandrolone, novocaine and several other harmful drugs. When confronted by the press, Mr Bandaru strongly denied the allegations and termed the press “Conspirating Ba******”. However, Mr Bandaru was fighting a losing battle as the drugs were seen mysteriously oozing out of his ears and nose, most probably due to an overdose. This incident could result in atleast two years of prison for Mr. Bandaru Co-founder of PPUFC, Kenneth “Give me an Aww” Lobo remarked, “This is indeed bad news for us, but he wasn’t that great anyway. Screw him.” However, the other half of the Bandaru brethren , Nishant “Pain Hurts” Bandaru, optimistically remarked ” Tis but a shame to lose Rohit at a time like this, but this only increases my chances of being in the starting line-up, so I’m not complaining. ” The incident comes two weeks after B “Babu” Ancoosch and Nihar “Air-band wannabe” Bandaru were imprisoned for consuming the same harmful substances. When asked to comment from his jail cell, Mr. Ancoosch said, “Rohit and I have a long legacy together, and it is only befitting that we end up in the same jail cell.” Rohit Bandaru was last seen in a remote part of town trying in vain to destroy the evidence.
STAR PLAYER SUES PPUFC
JCH : Star defender J Vasudev has taken legal action against players of PPUFC for repeatedly calling him names like “Fatty”, “Bulky”, “Big Momma” etc. Mr. Vasudev claims the name-calling has caused him extreme emotional distress and is suing members of PPUFC for a whopping Rs. 3 million in damages. The lawsuit has caused utter chaos in the offices of PPUFC, the members of which are fearing bankruptcy. When PPUFC tried to get into touch with their lawyer, Mr. Joydeep “Indian Penal Code” Rao, they realised that Mr. Rao had quit his job to take a long vacation in Bangalore. Co-founder/manager/board member of PPUFC, Dhruv “Sambar” Tandan who is having sleepless nights over the issue, remarked, “I never thought that !@#$() son of a %$#(* mother ^%$#! Bas^$*& would take us to court over an issue like this.” It is obvious Mr. Tandan will think twice before calling people names again.
“WIND” GOES DOUBLE PLATINUM. BAND ON CLOUD NINE.
Mahendra Hills: The debut album of air rock band “AIR” touched 2 million in sales, in the process making it’s members instant superstars in the air-rock circuit. The band owed their success to their immaculate song-writing and individual instrumental prowess. Air-Drummer Nishant “Ulrich” Bandaru remarked “We worked hard and we knew this was coming…..but double platinum…woah…that’s radical !! ” The incredible response to the album has encouraged the band to embark on a world wide tour starting with a huge concert at home-base Mahendra Hills. The band has already begun auditioning for groupies ahead of the big tour. For the uninitiated, groupies are sluts who sleep with the band-members on their tours. Already Kenneth Lobo, Rohit Bandaru and Nihar Bandaru have expressed an interest for the posts. After their success, the band lashed out at their ex- air vocalist Mr. Joydeep “BBM” Rao, who betrayed his band-mates over a stupid three year course in whichever college it was. The band also expressed it’s contempt towards real musicians, dismissing them as “guys with no imagination”. Band manager/owner/air-bassist Dhruv “AIR-man” Tandan was last seen practising on his air-bass guitar into the wee hours of the night.
KENNY “BACKSTABBED” LOBO WAS BACKSTABBED. NEEDLESS TO SAY, HE’S FEELING BACKSTABBED.
Padmaja Plaza: Zubin “Backstabbing/sob/asshole/lemme at him” Whatsislastname has refused to comment. Apparently, he’s feeling like a backstabber. Several human right organizations have come forward to castrate him. Mr. Lobo, appalingly however, strongly believes in family planning. Even threats by the famed “Kojja society near Lamba” to proceed with the procedure using local anesthesia have not deterred Mr. Lobo from his views on family planning. Srinidhi Raghavan (middle name withheld due to fear of mass riots) has been banned from interacting with any members of PPUFC. She has also been banned from sleeping with members of the award winning multi platinum air band “AIR”.
Tirupati: In a jaw dropping move, the famed Bandaru clan decided to beg for forgiveness for the sins of their son, Rohit Bandaru, who was caught in possesion of drugs. The immediate move was to head for the Big Man upstairs. All he had to say,according to highly placed sources inside Tirupati, was “The grass is greener on the other side.”
Padmapriya Apts: The girl-pulling and jaw-dropping tollywood superstar, famous for his thong dance in Chiranjeevi’s latest flick, “NEE AMMA”, Joydeep sonuvaRao, made a surprise appearance at his home here in the pally today. The silent neighbourhood witnessed scenes of chaos and bra-panty ejection, as the star made his way into his posher than posh 16 billion dollar home. However, pictures are not currently available due to the able efforts of one nepali “Ramu”, who seemed to kick reporter ass. However,the Pally Weekly has searched out its archives and found on file an old pic, which must suffice.
That’s all for now. Keep yourself posted on happenings in the Pally by reading THE MARREDPALLY WEEKLY…….the only weekly that matters.
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