Brought to you… as irregularly as possible.
Letter from the Editor:
Dear subscribers, suck mine. As editor of this distinguished organization, i, kennth lobo, would like to introduce you to the “Kannada wing” of the marredpally weekly.
Its members :
joydeep pondugotti-silent bystander
vignesh srinivasan-tamil bassist and silent bystander.
We hope you enjoy reading news from around our world. please send all wishes to above email id. Thank you.
~~ Word from the Nataka ~~
*Recently my good friend and bystander..joydeep sonof happy,was thrown out of his home for being around too much. it is to be known that he is offically “jobless and bootless”. his contribution to the kannada wing of this magazine has been little or nothing. on being contacted for an interview, his reply was “salpaa adjust maadi.”
needless to say, happy, im not very happy. this is for the record.
*Famed tamil bassist and currently wannabe engineer, Mr Vignesh “teach me to drive a car” srinivasan was recently thrown out of a blood donation camp on account of being underweight. his pleas and protests went unnoticed. but the chennai classical singers organisation has promised to support this star from yesteryear by supplying him a years supply of curd rice. Mr.vignesh srinivasan had no comments.
*Country liquor and fenny baron Mr.nishanth bandaru was recently thrown out of college on disciplinary grounds. apparently he was drunk on the nearest beach. he was last seen singing a chinese folk song “someone chewed mine”.
*THIS JUST IN : Mr Vasu “racist” devan has being held back for one year according to clasdestine reports from osmania university. he did not pass his papers. Party will b prganised by tribal, black & co asap. this is to b a surprise party, coz vasu doesnt kno his marks as of now. this news particularly satisfies kenneth “crippled” lobo, who was nearly abused to death by the man in question.
NEW SECTION :
~~MEMORIES~~(your weekly ‘walk down memory lane’, by our special correspondunt)
1) The day tandan changed my life – by rohit bandaru*(name changed for security reasons) AS TOLD TO OUR REPORTER:
–>”it was just another night. tandan had called me for just another night at the bar. but tonight was differnt…he was wearing the same shirt he was wearing yesterday….his socks..smelt funny..ahhha..there was SOMETHING ABOUT HIM. what surprised me the most …was that v didnt go to 10 downing as usual..instead i found myself with tandan at ‘kamadhenu bar & restaurant’..a strange choice for someone who’s father charges 4 times the price. as i was sllooooowly sucking.umm..sipping my drink…i felt a hand go under the table and touch my inner thigh. at this point Mr.Rohit “sexually harassed” bandaru began to break down and cry. therefore….more details cannot b divulged.
if our readers can rememebr correctly,mr.tandan was fired from the weekly office on “undisclosed” grounds. well, theyre not really “undisclosed” anymore.
2) THE LAST TIME V HAD A JOLLY-JORGY – by ancoosh reddy AS TOLD TO OUR REPORTER: Jest i was sitting upon the terrace with joylu. what a vision it was..i could able to see yeverything with my naaked eyes! As he told me (%#%#!@@%%)..i”>%@$@#^&^^$@%%>%#%#!@@%%)..i felt something in my pants…go…limp. the whole fucking football team? what the fuck? id rather die.but no, …it was not to be. AT THIS POINT MR.REDDY WENT INTO A TRANCE……the following are transcripts of his trance. aaaa……moan,…uuhh….yeah baby….DT..suck me do me… joy…..fuck man…u make me soooooooooooooo haaaaapyy….ugggghhhh……..dam vasu…u have a smmmmmmmmaaaaalll chinnnaaaa
dick……….aaaaaaa…..hhhh…..viggy….viggy?AAAAAHH!!stop stop……………………….uhhgg…yes..ssss…i like the rhythm vishal..feellss..sooo biological….n rohit….keep playing with my strings…aaaaaaaaahhh………….the feels sooooo gooodd…..CLIFF?
THAT WAS THE END OF OUR “DOWN MEMORY LANE SECTION”. PLEASE PUT THEM BACK IN YOUR PANTS.
!! News from the pally !! – Im a fucking reporter or what? fuck off. i dont even live in the pally anymore. hmph.
MUSIC NEWS :
–>Following the split up of air band “FART” lead bassist tamil vignesh “spice” sreenivasan has announced the release of his new feat album “VIGGY FEAT. MA HOMIES”. this album…Out this christmas features the new singles “teach me to drive”, “teach me to keep”, “amma appa freestyle”, and a cover version of britneys “im a slave 4 u”.
–> Mr.Dhruv “suck my fiddle” tandan is on the verge of screwing up his first violin performance. In view of the screwup, to make the event worth EVERY FUCKING rupee, audience will be provided with free egg and tomato, and the violin will be painted like a bulls eye. and the violinist will b wearing a shirt in honour of kurt kobain…”rape me”. following the concert,free snacks and tea will b provided outside the venue by mr.vasu devan.
–> Watching his peers dominate the music scene for long enough, castaway mr.nishant “mangala” bandaru has formed his own band called “the pink panzies inc” ..in goa. although the band sounds like shit..im told they do good when the booze is free. lead guitarist mr.bandaru has personally said “right now,as long as the booze is free,the band will remain together.”. Mr Joydeep has expressed interest in buying the band as the booze is free.
–>love struck mr.ancoosh reddy’s impending haircut has stirred up a hornets nest. the muslim fatwa board issued an ultimatum folowing which mr.reddys girfriend bought him a hair removal cream.however..he was dumped next day as he applied it on the lower waist and posterior region. need more b said?
–>bandaru family re union:in an unprecedented move…the whole bandaru clan has rushed to padmaja plaza (HQ) for a sudden family re union. Issues such as rahuls marriage, rahuls marriage and rahuls marriage were discussed. several proposals from chennai have been taken into consideration, including several highly qualified brahmin girls…shwetha..muthu..deepika….shreya..(black girls)..chaamu, jyothi, mangala, sweety, bubbly-kutty (white girls) have been shortlisted. plz watch this space for more.
ADVERTISEMENT: mike check. mike check. mycheck. my chick. my chick. “jest i want to have it your attention.” “ok”. “i will hand mike to mr.principol,angush reddy.” “thank you mr.vije princhipol. i am taking this oppurtunity to announce that little or no aaablications have been came for admission. it is very much insulting to my hort. how can you able to do such things? (wipes tears) we are organizing free speech camp in the k’s ouze on jesuss hoppy birthday. plz bring aablication. with mummy and daddy to meet teachers. plz u cont able to miss this. plz. v r the future….”
CALLING CHORLIE, ALPHO, DELTAA, MUNNU AND OTHERS. PLZ REPLY TO WEEKLY AS SOON AS IT IS READ. hey guys. i kno iv lost a lil creativity, hell, im in mangalore. my surgery has been cancelled…will take 2 months to b back. mail me back. lots n lots of lou.. from the land where the sky touches the beach, where the nightingale cant stop playing her i-pod, my ass, kenny.